Just Pictures

Does it get better, ever?

 

Its strange, I shouldn’t be feeling this broken

Because I had left you long time back

When I left home to study, to work, to get married and have a child

You were always there though

Making sure I was alright, making sure I had someone to count on

 

Its strange, I shouldn’t be feeling this lost

Because we fought so much

I loved you so much, but I also hated you, your habits

The alcohol and the cigarettes that you called your crutches

The things you called your best friends, the things that took you away from me

I hated you, and I hated myself for being a hypocrite

Because I smoked and drank too, just like you

Only, I wasn’t as honest as you

And yet, I yelled at you, became righteous with you, about your habits

When I was secretly living the same

What a hypocrite, what right do I have to miss you now?

What right do I have to say, I love you now?

When I couldn’t say it enough when it mattered?

 

Its strange, I shouldn’t be missing you this much now

Its so easy to fall back into the grind of life

To pretend that you haven’t gone at all

After all, these last few years, we hardly spoke, did we?

You had your problems, old age, addiction and a really bad hearing 

And I had my problems, a job, friends and addictions of my own

I always said I didn’t have the patience to talk to you

And you were always kind, or maybe you just couldn’t hear my harsh words

But now that you’re gone forever

Now that I have burned your body and turned it to ashes

Now that I know you are finally free

Living your fantasy

Away from the million responsibilities and expectations

Away from the blinding pain that you suffered with a smile for us

I want to be selfish and call you back

To suffer more

Just so, I could have you around, selfish me

 

Now, even if I wish for a miracle,

I can never hear your thundering voice again

I can never hold your large, soft hands again

I can never touch your freshly shaved cheeks again

I can never see that cheeky smile in action again

Or do that groovy dance to Abba’s songs with you again

I can never give you a hug and say I’m sorry for all the harsh words and for all the times I left you alone

I can never look into your eyes and say I love you again

Because now, my darling papa, my dearest papa

All I have left of you are

Just memories and pictures 😦

 

 

Copyright @Prachi Pati

 

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