It feels like it has been too long since I wrote on my blog. I have been having a crazy couple of weeks settling in from my move from UK to India, but more on that later.
Today, I wanted to write about something else that has been on my mind lately. I have had the pleasure to meet a few women recently, who have all been very confident, very successful in their careers, are mothers and have a loving family, very talented, have immense energy and are very sure of themselves in this world.
I also realized, that I wasn’t one of them. Although I strive to be a better person and a better woman, I know I am not completely sure of myself and many a times, I falter and succumb to society’s pressure of who or what they expect a woman, a mom or a wife/partner to be. I am not very outspoken in that manner.
However, all these women I met, had this one thing in common. They are all very outspoken and view their opinions out aloud, without any care of whether it is approved by convention or not. In response, the society, the men in the relationships, the parents, or the friends, or the friend’s husbands, gave slightly disapproving looks. Some confided that such behaviour or outspokenness is uncalled for. Most felt intimidated. Even the men. Even the elders. Sometimes, even the docile female friends 🙂
Then I thought of all of the intelligent people I’ve come across, or read about. And not just intelligent people, but intelligent and creative people who know that they are not average. They all have a good heart somewhere, but socially, seem arrogant. But is it arrogance really, or just extreme confidence in one’s thoughts and abilities? And if it is confidence, why is it intimidating to others?
I’m reading a book of essays by Poet Audre Lorde, called Sister Outsider, currently. It talks about kinship amongst women across the World. I then wondered, what would happen if women all over the world would start being confident? Would we become intimidating then? But I don’t want to be intimidating. I just want to be confident. I just want to be heard. And I just want to be me for a change, sometimes 🙂
I’d love to hear your thoughts or arguments on this. What do you think?
Starry Eyed Enigma 
Powerful questions and valid points yu ask. I don’t believe confidence equals arrogance, though they are both attitudes. I know about the disapproving looks, i’ve been the target of many in the past. Lately, however, i mostly stay to myself and keep my opinions. I’m not sure. Maybe i’m mellowing ? I sure hope it’s not a sign of middle-age, not at 34.
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No please don’t let it be a sign of age. And I hope you won’t mellow too much. All these women I met were above 35 too and yet outspoken.. I kind of dig that hahah
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So there’s hope…
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I don’t think confidence needs to be equated with arrogance, for that is to judge, and when someone judges something, it suggests there is something inside themselves that needs looking at, healing even.
Women are coming out of silence and because they have been in the place for so long, many men have long become unused to feminine power, even within themselves, for we all possess the X chromosome after all.
I think there is a need to be authentic, to speak, or write, in order to be heard and to listen, learn and evolve. We don’t have to become intimidating, however even the most softly spoken, gentle person might come across as intimidating to someone, because that is the perception of ‘the other’. We can not control how others perceive us and if we try to change in order to do so, we become something artificial, inauthentic.
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Thank you, Claire for your well put thoughts on this subject. I hadn’t looked at it from this perspective and this certainly does give more strength to us 😊
I especially think you’re right when you say that when we judge someone, it more or less means there is something in us that needs changing or looking at maybe? I guess that was the reason or the nagging thought at the back of my head while writing this article? When I actually felt one way but behaved or reacted the ‘socially acceptable’ way so that people don’t judge me. But this made me judge myself and made me feel mine a fake later on.
Thanks for supporting outspoken women😊
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As Audre Lorde says, there is also a place for us to listen and learn on the way to having the confidence to be more outspoken, because it is true that society judges women harshly for this and has silenced too many.
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Oh! You’ve read her essays too! I’m reading Sister Outsider now too and she does pack a punch with her truths 😊
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