It is Monday today. I will not be lying if I say, that majority of us don’t have any special affinity for Mondays. Most of us dread Monday mornings. Most of us have Monday blues. Unless you are on a vacation this Monday, staring at blue waters with a chilled beer in your hand 🙂
But today was a little worse than usual. I woke up to a bright and crisp, cold autumn morning. I breathed in and decided today was going to be a productive day. But after 20 minutes into the morning, I read my texts. My heart sank a little. I texted my mom, and she called me back. I spoke with her for another 20 minutes and the call ended with a heaviness in my heart. I had heard my mom cry. Before you think someone died, no, that wasn’t the case. It is something worse, for our family. But I will write about that later, some other time.
I was late for office, but I somehow managed to get ready for work. Usually, breakfast in office brightens up my spirits, but today I felt like I didn’t have an appetite. I managed to force something down, and then went for a walk. I called up my husband and told him what I spoke about with mom, and cried. Then I hung up, and cried and cried. I felt so helpless, slightly guilty and a lot angry at the Universe. This morning, at 9 am, sitting at the secluded park bench and crying my heart out, the only question that came to my mind was, Why? Why did the Universe have to make my family suffer so much? And then how, how could I make things better for the people I love. I didn’t have an answer.
I went back, and tried to concentrate on work. Being busy always helps. But it didn’t help my mood today. I plugged in my earphones to listen to some music while I worked. Then suddenly, ‘Let it be’ by Beatles started to play. I can’t tell you, how much I needed to hear that song. At the same time, I also wondered, how on Earth did my phone know this was the song I wanted to listen to? Listening to that song, made me smile, just a little. I thought to myself, that’s right- life is hard, but sometimes its alright not to have the answers to everything. Sometimes, you just need to persevere.
After that, right around the afternoon, when I checked my phone again, I had two new emails- from both my pen friends! How did they know that I wanted to hear from them today? How did they know what to write about? They are strangers to me, and don’t know about my life or in particular, about my conversation with mom today and my mood thereafter. Yet, in a strange way, the things they wrote in their respective letters, about life and family, was exactly what I needed to read and hear. Their letters made me smile again, and some of the heaviness started leaving my heart.
I took a short break in between and then called up mom to check up on her. I spoke to dad instead- again, I needed that. Needed to hear his voice to make sure he was OK. He won’t be OK like you and me, but he was as OK as I could’ve expected him to be, and that was what I wanted to hear. I hope that they get to enjoy the rest of their trip. I am an atheist, but I believe in something out there. I call it the Universe. Today, I prayed to the Universe, to send some positive energy to my parents.
Finally, the day was over, and my husband was so kind to give me some time and take over the evening chores for our daughter. I spoke to my sister, and I cried again. But this time it wasn’t tears of guilt, or of sorrow, but just tears of companionship. Tears of healing I think.
It is strange isn’t it- sometimes how life can turn out to be. How it can go a full cycle just in a day. Do you have days like these too? Have you been at a loss or felt so dejected that you didn’t think anything would help, and suddenly something or someone just brightens up your day, or shows you the way, when you least expected it?